First of all, I just heard someone describe themselves as have Self-Worth Disease. This struck me as a rather common problem for many. If you happen to be a high or over-achiever (is there such a thing?), then you likely have trouble ever being satisfied with your performance, achievements or accomplishments. The difficulty often arises when a person is unable to validate or affirm themselves even after doing something well.
This cycle on the diagram shows what typically happens, This Vicious Cycle perpetuates. Let’s differentiate between confidence and self-esteem. Self-confidence is, “I can do……something.” Drive, cook, play a sport, excel in school or work.” Self-esteem is “How do I feel about what I do?” You can feel good about an A- on an exam or if you are a perfectionist, feel bad that you didn’t get an A+. How you affirm or validate or invalidate yourself matters a great deal. One of the remedies for low self-worth or esteem is to examine what you did well, what you feel good about and own it. Building self-worth, self-esteem comes from the inside, not the outside. Others can be positive and affirming, but you have to receive it and take it in. Think of self-esteem as an emotional bank account or reservoir of positivity that you make regular deposits to keep your sense of worth high. Value yourself and quit criticizing, correcting or focusing on what you did wrong. Catch yourself and other “doing something right or loving.” Take is this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt. Don’t give permission to anyone that makes you feel bad or inferior. Get with a tribe of positive, loving, supportive friends and family who value you, tell you and you take it in to increase your sense of self worth. A book to consider to help build your self-esteem I recommend is by David Burns, MD.
