Take a moment to consider how much of the time are you correcting, criticizing or critiquing your child’s behavior? If your comment count is not more positive than negative, you might want to rethink how and what your communication is doing to your children. You may say, well, I am just trying to help them, save them grief, stress or show them the “right” way to do something. It is my belief that mistakes or even failing at something builds character and resilience. Learning to take responsibility for actions is actually one of the best way to learn and self-correct. If you as a parent are always vigilant working to solve problems for your children, how will they learn to do this for themselves? Or course, issues around safety is another matter. Setting limits, having boundaries and providing a framework for independence is a great place to start and parental responsibility. Checking grades, or hounding your child about homework is not your domain, it is theirs. The earlier this is learned, the more opportunity for self-responsibility and the building of confidence and self-esteem. There is a need for consequences for bad behavior, however, physical punishment only causes anger and promotes anger. Positivity works. Praise, validation, valuing your children build confidence and self-esteem. Constantly catching children doing something right helps them feel competent, good and loved really works.
Parenting & Criticism
Dr. Mike Klaybor
Dr. Mike Klaybor brings thirty years of experience in practicing counseling psychology with individuals and couples. His approach is cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT. Specific specialties include; anxiety and stress management, chronic pain & chronic illness management, depression, substance abuse evaluations, employee assistance and executive coaching for workplace performance and leadership.