Relationships Need Maintenance, Care, Attention & Nurturance

  • Does your relationship feel flat? 

  • Do you just feel like you are roommates without the excitement, passion and intimacy that brought you together?
  • Are you bored by your relationship?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, it may be time for an overhaul. Elements of a happy marriage or relationship is NOT a secret formula. The tenants of a healthy marriage or partnership involve creating a “culture of praise” within the relationship and life.
Happy relationships have certain characteristics in common. Take time to learn what these are from your partner. John Gottman, Ph.D. a marriage psychologist has some very good, practical formulas for keeping a relationship vibrant. One essential feature of happy couples is that they “Turn Toward” the other 86% of the time. This means, being agreeable, accepting influence and being positive about requests, time together and making your partner feel heard and appreciated. The less happy or unhappy couples only “Turn Toward”  25% of the time. The other two options are even less desirable, in fact, destructive. “Turning Away” or “Turning Against” are harmful. Ignoring, avoiding and becoming hostile churn up a negative sentiment.
A daily goal in your life ought to include making your partner feel loved, valued, appreciated and understood.  Keep the following in mind to keep your relationship running smooth, loving and growing. 

  1. Be attentive with time, attention, affection, fun and creating good memories.
  2. Create positive memories by being active in keeping your relationship vibrant & alive.
  3. Acceptive influence from your partner by having an open mind.
  4. Keep the children in second place. If you put the children above the relationship, the magic is easily lost.
  5. Express your feelings, have conflict, but always make repairs and own your part of the conflict. 
  6. Validate your partner with loads of verbal affirmation, adoring and loving language.
  7. Add your own…………….

Marriage retreats, even counseling to make a good marriage even better is a great preventive medicine. Ask your partner today, “how can I be a better partner, lover or spouse.” Word of caution, don’t ask if you aren’t ready to do what you need to do or what is asked.

Link to Gottman Books, CDs, & Workbooks

Recent Blogs

Dr. Mike Klaybor

Dr. Mike Klaybor

Dr. Mike Klaybor brings thirty years of experience in practicing counseling psychology with individuals and couples. His approach is cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT. Specific specialties include; anxiety and stress management, chronic pain & chronic illness management, depression, substance abuse evaluations, employee assistance and executive coaching for workplace performance and leadership.