Why Do People Divorce?

Ask yourself how people get themselves in a position to drift apart. Emotional bonds begin to slip away subtly over time, which makes detection difficult with busy lives, careers, kids, and a host of obligations. Before this happens, it is useful to take stock of your “emotional bank account.”  John Gottman, Ph.D. a marriage psychologist has done a great deal of research on what makes marriage work. Couple headed for divorce have four features in common. The warning signs of a breakdown in the marriage according to Gottman are “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse of Doom.”

  1. Criticism
  2. Defensiveness
  3. Stonewalling
  4. Contempt

If these elements are present in your  marriage, divorce is most likely in your future unless you work on the antidotes and begin to make deposits into your partner’s emotional bank account of love, nurturance, acceptance, and positive sentiment. Sharing fondness & admiration, being positive, managing conflict, turning toward your partner in communication, making life dreams come true and creating shared meaning are essential elements of a sound marital house.
Antidotes for the Four Horsemen are:

  1. Complain without blame.
  2. Take responsibility.
  3. Do psychological soothing.
  4. Build a culture of appreciation.

If you want to improve your marriage and prevent divorce, there are tools and help to keep emotional bonds strong.

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Dr. Mike Klaybor

Dr. Mike Klaybor

Dr. Mike Klaybor brings thirty years of experience in practicing counseling psychology with individuals and couples. His approach is cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT. Specific specialties include; anxiety and stress management, chronic pain & chronic illness management, depression, substance abuse evaluations, employee assistance and executive coaching for workplace performance and leadership.