There are some really solid ideas and strategies in the research that help create and/or maintain a good relationship. John Gottman, Ph.D. is one of the premier researchers that brings practical solutions to help couples understand the “how” of creating a relationship that works. One of his ideas is to “create a culture of praise.” This positive and loving culture happens when you work to increase positive sentiment, make contributions or deposits to your emotional bank account. These contributions reduce stress, increase intimacy and gives a buffer when times are difficult. Dr. Gottman postulates that a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative comments and interaction is a standard for building this culture of praise. What is your “Positivity Ratio?” It may be time to tune up your appreciation by expressing gratitude, fondness and admiration to your partner, child, parent or friend.
So what about Fondness and Admiration?
- “Fondness and Admiration” is about honoring and respecting your Spouse’s contributions to the relationship. It’s about remembering what he/she contributes to the Family relationship, careers, success, and happiness.
- Fondness and Admiration help us to recall the things that attracted us to our partner – to remember the things that we admired about him/her that lead to committing your life to him/her.
- Fondness and Admiration need to be updated and refreshed by new experiences. Adding the new experiences to your old Fondness and Admiration memories serves to enrich the marital relationship.
Today, begin giving praise or validation to a spouse, child or co-worker to begin to build positive sentiment. It is also imperative that you acknowledge compliments when they come your way. If you do so, research shows you will be happier. Why not give it a try?