In a book entitled, “Hot Monogamy” by Pat Love, she describes how men and women handle emotional vulnerability. Dr. Love sates that men are “hypersensitive to failure, embarrassment, shame and appearing weak. Men feel ‘shame pain’ to a greater degree than women and will shut down, pull away or get angry.”
“Women, on the other hand, are hypersensitive to neglect, isolation, deprivation, silence and distance.” The best way to improve any relationship is to respect those vulnerabilities and do your best to make your partner feel wanted, loved and adored.
According to Pat Love, the best way to keep passion alive is by knowing the other person, pay attention long enough to really get to know what their wants and needs are to feel loved. Just as you can see in this photo that only 10% of the iceberg is above the surface, most of our emotions are below the surface and need to be expressed to achieve true intimacy. One caveat, be gentle and respectful with expressing your feelings so as not to create more hurt, shame and distance. Enhance intimacy with loving kindness and passion can then flow.
